


Home

by DoItForCarra



Category: Football - Fandom, Liverpool fc - Fandom, lfc - Fandom
Genre: Liverpool F.C., M/M, Rangers FC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 06:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15309522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoItForCarra/pseuds/DoItForCarra
Summary: This is my first published fic in god knows how many years. I hope you enjoy it!





	Home

A month since the move to Scotland, Xabi thought he could love nowhere as much as he loved Liverpool, but it was so green here. So green, so grey. Not quite home, but comfortable.

They still hadn't come out, but everybody knew. The way they looked at one another, the way they held each other when coming back after a long time away. Liverpool knew it. Madrid knew it. Hell, even Munich knew it. Los Angeles didn't know who they were, didn't care.

He wouldn't be shocked if Glasgow knew it.

Every day, he walks the city centre. He collects the newspaper, he grabs a coffee and, sometimes, he feeds the ducks. Nobody ever really interrupts him. They know who he is, he tips well, he signs kits for the kids, he even donates to the library. He does proper housewife stuff: the grocery, the cooking, the laundry. He makes the bed and cleans the sinks every morning. He's happy to finally be the one to take care of others instead of being the one taken care of. He revels in the routine of it all. But it still doesn't feel like home. 

Steven usually makes his way home fairly early, except on game nights. Dinner and a beer waiting for him. Every night, his insecurities start to come out. He thinks about them every day. Is Xabi here because he wants to be here or is he here because of him? He thinks it when he wakes up early, looking over at the Spaniard wrapped in white sheets; he thinks it with every kiss goodnight. 

"Xabier," he touches the other man's cheek, "I know that this isn't what you had in mind in our retirement."

Xabi turns away, cheeks flushed. Steven's trying to pick an argument but he doesn't even know it. "It's not that this isn't what I had in mind it's just that..."

"Tell me, I'm always here for you."

"But you're not, and that's okay," He walks to the sink and turns on the faucet. There's something so stress relieving about hand-washing the dishes. He doesn't even know what he's stressed about.

He feels Steven's presence behind him, can smell the aftershave used religiously despite not having really shaved in months. The feeling is good. Inch for inch, almost pound for pound, they matched perfectly. Steven had put on a couple of pounds since LA but... It felt good, he knew Steven felt better for it, the pressure was off to be perfect. Those last few years at Liverpool were tough on him. He gave his all for the club but the club didn't exactly give it all back to him. Brendan Rodgers definitely didn't give it all back to him and Steven hurt for it. He ached for the club to love him the way he loved it. Xabi's unsure Steven realizes that they do, they always have, a few bad years is nothing compared to a lifetime of love. 

They had fourteen good years under their belt together, that was the length of somebody's lifetime, that was the length of their love's lifetime. 

Strong arms wrapped around him, "I want to know though, Xabi, what can I do to make it better for you? Easier on you?" 

The Spaniard hung his head forward, placing both hands on the counter in front of him, "It's not about being easy, Steven, this has never been easy. And it's not that you're not there for me. I don't feel like this can be ours the way that Liverpool was ours, the way that Istanbul will always be ours."

"I don't understand," Steven's voice came out sad, defeated, "Do you want to leave? Xabi, I'll resign in a heartbeat, I can't lose you. We promised each other all those years ago and this was the year we'd be together. Finally, fully together. I can't lose you again."

Hot tears fell on the nape of Xabi's neck while his own stuck to his lashes. 

"That's not what I want," his voice hitched in his throat, a sob threatening to burst, "I don't want you to leave your dream for me, football is your life. You've dreamt of managing since the moment you realized that one day you'd be too old to play." He laughed, "My old man, my old Scouser."

"I love you, Xabi," a sniffle, "I've always loved you."

Xabi removed his hands from supporting him against the sink and cradled the other man's strong arms against him. 

"I love you, Steven, so deeply. I don't want to leave. I just wished," a deep breath, "I just hoped that, in retirement, there'd be more time to hold each other and to make our lives together."

Steven laughs.

"Don't laugh at me, Steven George," his body twisting in the other man's arms, "You're on away games constantly. You're always with the lads. Or in your office, making analysis after analysis. I get you're trying to prove yourself but, Steven..."

Xabi catches the tears in his eyes for the first time and it stings worse than his own, "Steven." He lifts his hand and gently brushes the wet away, "The only time I see you is the brief moments when we have dinner and the briefer moments in the mornings that you actually bother to wake me up."

Steven's hands move to the Spaniard's sides, he stares at his pink lips and then right into his eyes, "You say you're worried that Glasgow isn't ours, but we don't need a city to be ours, we need each other. We'll always have Istanbul and Liverpool and all the moments in all the cities we've been together. If you want me to relax on the aggressive nature I'm taking on the job, you just have to tell me. I've only gone so far into it all because I thought that's what you wanted of me." 

Xabi's hands are resting on Steven's chest, holding steadily onto the zipper of his jacket, the tears stinging him again.

"Xabi," the slightly darker haired of the two starts again, "I love you." A shake of the other man's torso, "I've always loved you and if you want me to be here more, be together more, then I'm absolutely for it. We can make this city ours, we can make this home ours."

Hands shaking, Xabi pulled Steven's zipper forward, bringing him with it. Their foreheads met, eyes glistening, soft lips parting in anticipation of each other. Xabi stops, sobs threatening to rack through his body.

"Any city is ours when we're together. You are my home, Steven."


End file.
